what's keith UPSET ABOUT?

WARRANT OUT FOR MY ARREST?

I just had the worst physical fight of my life.  And guess with who?  My mom.  I won't get into in full detail but let me just say that she verbally and physically attacked me first.  She then tried to pull and force me out of her house.   At that point I resisted.  Also to ad insult to injury her boyfriend was also on her side, trying to force me out of her house.  In the whole ordeal, I ended up with a huge open wound on my ear where she bit me and a bite mark on the side of my abdomen.  She ended up with a bald spot on her head where I pulled her hair out.  What a bitch.  I will take some of the blame for the situation but I believe she is the blame for the majority of the situation.  Either way, I'm just as guilty.  I'm not faulting her.

So where does that leave me?  Well, I'm in my room writing this blog with several issues on my mind.  I'm completely homeless.  My mom left the house a few hours ago with her boyfriend in tow to try to get a warrant out for my arrest.  Or so she says.  I don't know if she completely fell through with it or not.  She knows that she would end up in jail just like I would, so I really doubt that she did so.  When she gets back, I will not have a place to stay.  And after this ordeal, she has no reason to allow me to stay in her home anymore.  We have a lot of issues to work out, and me staying here is only making things worse.  This I know but I have NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.  To make things worse, it's raining as we speak.  Noone will help me.  I have no one who's willing to give me a helping hand.  I'm just at my wits end.  I should have committed suicide a long time ago.  I don't know what's stopping me.  It's easier to just check out. 

Also, no surprise, Kenny is on my mind.  I can't believe that my mom called him today and told him everything that went on.  Kenny is completely filled in on this ordeal.  And guess who looks like the crazy person?  I do.  The terrifying thing is that I'm sure Kenny also told his friends and family members.  Now granted, I haven't really met any of his friends and his family isn't really judmental.  It's just the thought of someone else knowing my business.  I'm crazy and I have a crazy life but everyone else doesn't need to know it.  However, like Kenny says, I shouldn't worry about that right now.  I should stay focussed on getting my life together.  Life is hard.  I had no idea that growing up would be this difficult.

I just got off the phone with Kenny about twenty minutes ago.  We spoke for over an hour.  He's so helpful but I don't really think he understands me.  Anyway, he listened, which is the important thing.  He doesn't have to answer the phone, but he does.  He's such an angel.  Over the course of the conversation we got on the subject of sex.  And I can't believe Kenny is having sex.  Well, it's not hard for me to believe.  I'm pretty sure he was.  Yet, it's hard hearing it from the horse's mouth.  We're not in a relationship so he's not doing anything wrong.  But it's hard to take.  I want him all to myself.  I love him (how many times can I say it).  I probably say it so much because I don't show it.  That's something I'm working on.  I believe he'll take me back.  I have to.  I don't want anyone but him and I'll die celibate and alone if he doesn't take me back.  I love me some him. 

Lord, please fix this situation.  I have no cards to play. No other options. This situation is far more than I can bear.  I'm callin out to you lord.  Take me, help me. 

I have been trying to rebuild my relationship with my god.  I read the bible daily as well as pray.  I've done so for the past few months.  However, I don't really see much of a change in me.  I'm changing (don't get me wrong), but things just seem to be getting worse.  Either way, the lord has still blessed me with food on the table and a roof over my head.  So I am truly thankful and I'm not complaining.  I'm very appreciative.  I just wish things were better.  But like Kenny says, someone has it worse out there.  That's what helps keep him humble. 

Humble.  The word of the day.  Such a meaningful word.  I need to humble myself.  I really do.  When I look back on the things I've done just recently, I wish I was a little more humble.  Homelessness will make you humble.  Who needs a lesson more than I do?

In all, I love my mother.  I love Kenny.  I love Wayne.  I love my grandparents.  I love Kenneth.  And I love myself.  Love conquers all.  You have to stay positive.