what's keith BUYING?

I was just sitting on my bed looking at beauty blogs, when I remembered that it was Tuesday.  And you know what happens on Tuesday?  New music releases.  So, I logged into the iTunes music store and you wouldn't believe who I came across...

Fefe Dobson's new CD.  Now I know what you're going to say.  You didn't know she was releasing a new CD.  Well, me neither, so imagine my surprise when I saw the CD posted with the new releases.  As you can tell, her CD is called Joy, named after track 13 on the album.

As excited as I am about her new release, I'm not going to recommend that anyone buy this album.  I love her.  I really do, but it's just not worth it.  I will, however, tell you to run you're little ass over to iTunes and buy tracks 2 through 6, NOW.  So what are you waiting for?  I'm serious.

Anyway, now that you've done what I've told you, I can GO IN on this CD.  The first half of this CD is stellar.  I mean, it's new age pop rock.  I'm loving it, however, the second half of the album sounds like she's beating pots and pans in her mother's kitchen.  Fefe, are you serious?  Textbook album filler, if you ask me.  It's already bad enough that no one is even going to buy your album because none of your songs have even cracked into any sort of music chart.  Girl, you would've done better if you released an EP showcasing your hottest songs.  And for those of you who don't know, Fefe used to be hot shit seven years ago, until she fell off the pop charts and ultimately fell to her death.  I even remember listening to her songs and watching her music videos on MTV when I was in high school.  I don't know why she's deciding to come out now, but bitch, it's about time!  I would have to say the highlight of the CD is track 5, Can't Breathe.  And she shares that song with Orianthi.  Fefe, come harder next time.  Don't worry though, I'm still a fan.

Another song I purchased and really enjoy is "The Best One Yet (The Boy)" from the Black Eyed Peas's album The Beginning.

On to other news...  Did anyone watch the 2010 Rockerfeller Christmas Tree Lighting special?  Didn't think so.  But I know you caught the 2010 Victoria Secret Fashion Show.  Spectacular, as always.  The highlight of the show was watching Chanel Iman get her Angel wings.  I think that Chanel Iman and Alessandra Ambrosio are two of the most beautiful women in the world. 



what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

And finally, I'm thankful for my past, present, and future.  The past was great, however the present isn't as good to me at the moment.  But look on the bright side. things can't get much worse.  Well, who am I kidding?  Things really could be worse, yet I won't complain.  My future looks bright and it's a blessing to be young.  I have plenty of time to catch up.  I just pray that I get a job soon.  I need something to do with myself.  An idle mind is the devil's workshop.  So true.

what's keith USING?

A new product that is currently a staple in my skin care regime would be Vaseline's Sheer Infusion body lotion.  It's my new favorite body lotion.  This lotion is special because it contains a patented stratys-3 complex that infuses and delivers moisture at each layer of the skin- the top, the core, and deep down.  It's definitely a must-have for the cold and dry winter months.  And the best thing about it is that it doesn't leave a greasy residue on my skin like most moisturizers.  There's nothing more unsexy than dry and ashy skin.  Don't you agree?

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for my intelligence and overall sanity.  I might make some crazy decisions, but through it all I'm still fully aware of what I'm doing.  I consider myself highly intelligent compared to a lot of these baltimorons.  I'm no genius by any feat but I did very well in school.

what's keith USING?

Yeah, it's nothing special.  Just deodorant.  I've been using this product since I've reached adolescence.  It's the only deodorant/ antiperspirant that I use.  I decided to feature this product because it's the only product that I have consistently used for over a decade.  Oh, and I only buy the invisible stick in cool rush, just so you know.

who's keith OFFICIALLY OVER?

I can say that I am officially over this guy. 

His name is Lance Coadie Williams.  He is a recovering drug addict who has Aids. His occupation is acting.  If you search his name on google, you can take a look at some of his past projects.  Anyhow, he was working as a waiter when I met him.

Lance Coadie Williams, I would have to say, was the first boyfriend that truly hurt me.  He failed to inform me of his HIV status even after having unprotected sex.  He would hide his prescribed antiviral drugs, so that I had no idea he had Aids.  Looking back on this relationship, I really have no idea why I was dating him.  I met him shortly after I was let go from my position with Bank of America and I was bored and lonely.  I would have to say that he wasn't my type, but after spending a lot of time with him, I fell in love. 

So, how did I find out about his HIV status?  Like always, I did some snooping in his apartment, while he was away at work.  I stumbled upon his Narcotics Anonymous diary as well as prescription receipts and they basically confirmed the inevitable.  Honestly, I think the bad part of the situation is not that he had Aids, but rather the lies and deceit.  You see, he knew he was positive, however he failed to mention his status before having unprotected sex which is a felony in the state of Pennsylvania, the state he was residing in at the time.

Even after I found out about his illness, I stayed with him and engaged in the same risky behavior.  We continued to have unprotected sex.  It's possible that Lance infected me with not only HIV but herpes.  He was taking drugs for both ailments.  I'm not exactly sure because I have neglected to get tested, but I think I have both viruses.  In fact, more often than not, you generally have both at the same time due to effect both viruses have on your immune system.  And to add more injury, after dealing with Kenny, I probably have a super-infection.  I know, FML.

Now I won't say that I was the only one harmed in my relationship with Lance.  After finding out about his status, I tried to expose him.  I would set up bogus adam4adam profile accounts using his picture and detailing his medical misfortunes.  I know I'm evil, but I wanted to hurt him just as bad as he hurt me.  I knew he didn't want to be exposed, yet I did it anyway.  Even today, I still have several pictures of him as well as his personal information.  I thought about exposing him even more, but I'm just going to let it go. 

After this post, I will no longer mention Lance Coadie Williams.  I forgive him.  I know that hurt people only hurt people.  And trust me when I say that Lance is definitely a hurt and lost soul.  Considering what he's been through, I can't say that I blame him.  Now, just because I forgive Lance, doesn't mean that I accept what he's done.  I still don't ever want to see him again.  And if I do see him again, trust me, I won't be speaking to him.  He will just be a chapter in my book.

Now, I'm still working on forgiving Kenny.  I'm not really there yet, but I'm sure I'll get there.

  Here's more pictures of Lance Coadie Williams.

So, in an effort to no longer cause harm, I will delete these pictures and his personal information from my computer.  I can't grow as a person, if I can't learn to forgive and let go.  And I officially forgive Lance Coadie Williams.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for my dog, Lexi.  She's outside barking at the mail man as I type.  While it's a pain waking up early every morning to let her out to handle her business, I love her all the more.  She's a black cocker spaniel and almost ten years old.  And I hate to say it but she'll probably croak any day now.  I believe she's partially blind and deaf yet we really don't know for sure.  I do know that she can't see or hear like she used to.  I'm sure that just comes with her old age.  Lexi is probably the only dog I'll ever have.  Dogs are definitely an inconvenience at times but I won't complain.  She's a joy to have around.



what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I guess I'm thankful for the MTA.  While I dread having to catch the bus, It is currently my only mode of transportation.  So, I should be thankful.  It just kind of sucks because I have owned 3 cars and now I'm back to catching the bus.  I sort of get depressed when I think about it.  Talk about taking a few steps back.  I'm back to where I was 5 years ago.  I have to say that time really does pass you by.  Every year gets shorter as I get older. 

what's keith WATCHING?

Yay!  I found another one of the kids.  He is hilarious.  He gives me life. 

what's keith INSECURE ABOUT?

Today, I'm challenging myself to open up more and reveal something about myself that I haven't discussed with anyone.  They are my insecurities.  I'm a bit hesitant because I feel that everyone should be private about his insecurities.  I find that once one reveals his insecurities that's all anyone notices about him, but I'll share anyway.  Maybe by sharing my insecurities, I'll release its hold on my life.  Now I do understand that everyone is insecure.  It's a part of life.  I realize that now that I'm much older.  I thought that once I became of age, my insecurities would go out the window.  Yet, I find you still face them day to day.

Where do I start?  Well, when I was in grade school, I was insecure about my voice and sexuality.  I was always teased for having a feminine voice.  Even today, Kenny says that I sometimes sound like a white girl.  And when I talk with customer service agents on the phone, sometimes they confuse me for a girl.  However, I can honestly say that I'm no longer insecure about my voice.  It took some time but I've learned to live with it.  Many of my boyfriends and clients loved my voice and I've learned to love it too.  Although, back in grade school, I was so insecure about it that I barely spoke in class.  Things are a lot different now. 

My sexuality was another issue in itself when I was growing up.  I have always been called gay, fag....... the list goes on.   I never truly made friends growing up because I never felt that I could be myself.  I never felt that I could confide in anyone.  I actually wished that I would have attended the school for the arts back in high school so that I would've been around people just like me.  However, again, today things are different.  I'm proud of my sexuality.   I wouldn't have it any other way.  Gay is in.

But now I ask, what am I insecure about today?  And today, I'm insecure about my future in life, love and relationships.  I'm pretty sure that I am HIV-positive.  I have no doubts about that.  Yet, I'm too afraid to get tested.  I'm also afraid that I won't be alive to see my thirties.  I highly believe that I will die of Aids sometime in the span of the next seven to ten years.  I know that by not seeking treatment, I am shortening my life span. I'm too ashamed and embarrassed to seek treatment and I have no health insurance.  I'm now a statistic living with this incurable disease.  I never thought I would see the day.  Yet, it's my reality.

Loneliness is another insecurity that I live with day to day.  I have no friends and no one I can confide in.  I don't trust my family with my delicate feelings so I keep them bottled up.  In many ways, I look at this blog as my best friend.  It's therapy for me.  Anyhow, I'm also afraid of love.  I mean, my last two boyfriends hurt me so bad that I don't know if I can ever really deal with another relationship.  And, who wants to be with someone dying of Aids?  I acknowledge that I'm very bitter.  Bitter at the world.  But, there's always hope.  It doesn't cost a thing to smile.

Now that I've acknowledged my insecurities, I can look them in the face.  They won't hold me down.  I will be happy, content, and secure one day.  Life is a journey.  And as long as I'm still breathing I'll keep hoping and praying for better days.  I'll win this game called LIFE.  Just wait and see. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for the invention of the iPhone.  What would I do without my iPhone? While I currently don't have any service on the phone, I still use the applications daily.  I have tried and probably own hundreds of applications and the iPod application is my favorite, of course, since I'm a music junkie.  I use the iPod feature more than any other application.  Anyways, I've been a fan of the iPhone since literally day one.  I went out on June 29, 2007 and bought the first iPhone for $600.  Four generations later, it's still my favorite.  I'm actually happy that Verizon will soon carry the iPhone.  The best network and the best phone have eloped.  That's such an awesome marriage and it's about time.

what's keith CONFESSING?

I'm embarrassed to admit that I urinate in the strangest places.  I never use the toilet unless in public.  At home, I either urinate in the bathroom or kitchen sink.  I know it's gross.  I don't know why I do it.  Well, yes I do.  Since I have a Prince Albert peircing, doing the deed can be a little messy.  And since I'm a germophobe and do not like touching the toilet to clean it off, I'd rather use the bathroom or kitchen sink.  It's a bad habit and I know it's gross.  It all started when I was living on my own and I've been doing it ever since.  Am I weird?  I think so.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am truly thankful and blessed to see another Thanksgiving holiday.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for the Pell Grant and financial aid, in general.  Thank god I live in a country where the poor are taken care of.  Hopefully, next year, I will qualify for financial aid and can attend college for free.  My goal is to attain a degree in nursing and of course become a registered nurse.  The average nurse in the United States makes about $66K a year.  Great career choice, if I say so myself.

what's keith PROMISING?

If it's not like the movies, I don't want it.  In my head, the love I felt for Kenny was just like the movies.  Never have I felt like that before.  I'm still in love with him.  Today, I actually almost cried at the thought of never being with him again.  But, I'm okay.  I love him too much to keep causing him pain and misery.  I'll just love him from afar. 

Someday, I hope to find someone and fall in love just like the movies.  I know he's out there and I will no longer settle for less.  I think I'm over the whole promiscuity phase as well.  I'm over giving my body away searching for my night in shining armour.  If he's truly my other half, he can wait for it.  And so can I. 

Look at me.  I'm truly growing and gaining a feeling of self-worth.  I guess, when you've had the best, you can't ever be happy with anything less.  And Kenny was the best.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  My Kenny is out there and when I do finally meet him, I'll know just what to do. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for the beautiful trees in my neighborhood.  My neighborhood is a very wooded area and I live right across the street from Leakin Park.  (Yeah, where they dump the dead bodies?) The trees offer great shade in the summer time.  During autumn as we all know the leaves start to change colors and fall from the trees.  The view of the leaves are beautiful during this time, however it is not so pretty when I have to rake the leaves every week.  Now, I won't complain because the beautiful forest harbors several animals such as owls, foxes, and deer that are beautiful to look at.  But, you already know, raking those leaves sucks.  Yet, I'm thankful all the more.

what's keith MASTURBATING TO?

This is how I like to get fucked.  Yeah, I know.  I'm a little bit of a freak.  When I masturbate I actually fantasize about being gang-banged.  Now, it's just a fantasy.  I know I wouldn't enjoy being in that situation in real life.  Don't get me wrong.  I have had my fair share of group sex sessions, however, I've never really enjoyed them.  I prefer a one-on-one freak session. 

I love an aggressive top that knows how to take charge in sexual situations.  I love being the center of attention and just being idolized.  I love being groped and felt up from head to toe.  Kissing is definitely a turn on for me and I enjoy getting rimmed.  Now two things I don't enjoy is eating ass and fucking ass.  Now, I have tried both once and let's just say that I hated it.  Never again.  I'm definitely a total bottom.

what's keith NOT COMPLAINING ABOUT?

There's so much I could complain about today.  But guess what?  No way.  Baby, I can't complain.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for my family.  My grandmother is visiting from Florida.  It's so nice to see her again.  She leaves on the tenth of December.  Yeah, I know.  She's here for almost three weeks.  Let's see how long it takes before she gets on my damn nerves.

what's keith DOING?

Nothing.  Another boring weekend.  I'm so bored that I don't know what to do with myself.  I haven't been out romantically since Christmas Day of last year.  Kenny and I went to the movies to see Avatar.  Other than my New Years Eve rendezvous with Kenny, I haven't had a night of fun.  My life sucks, but I can look on the bright side.   Thanksgiving is just around the corner.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful that I'm an overall neat, clean, and organized person.  I've always been this way and considering my family's untidy habits, I don't know why.  But I am and I wouldn't have it any other way.  In fact, I honestly can't control my need to have everything in place.  I can't stand to see anything out of order.  I highly believe that everything has its place. 

And I also ask these questions.  Why is it so hard to be organized?  How can one be so untidy?  How can one live in such a manner?  I don't understand it.  Kenny is highly unorganized and messy.  Living with him was a little bit of a challenge because I care about the space that I reside in while he doesn't?  And trust me, if you saw the dump he is currently living in, you would agree.  If something is out of place, it stays on my mind until I fix it.  I sometimes feel as though being very orderly is a curse, but I won't complain.  I secretly wish I could be okay with leaving my dirty clothes on the floor or not making my bed.  But I can't and I don't think I ever will.  I guess that's a good thing, right?  Cleanliness is next to godliness. 

what's keith CONFESSING?

I have a bad habit at throwing things away.  Not too bad of a habit, right? Wrong.  I not only throw my stuff away but other people's things as well.  I can't stand seeing things out of place or seeing things that are worn, weathered, or damaged.  So, if I don't need it or if I feel that it is old or beat up, I throw it out.  Case in point, about two weeks ago, my mother blew my head off about a coffee mug that is now missing.  She doesn't know that I probably threw it out.  This is not the first time that I've thrown away her things.  In fact, since I've been living here, I've thrown away countless old, unused items that have yet to be discovered.  This bad habit had also created tension in my relationship with Kenny.  I was guilty of throwing away his things. 

 In the grand scheme of things, I know it's wrong.  I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to throw away my things just because he thought it was old.  Yet, I do it anyway.  In my mind, I'm not doing any harm.  I'm just helping others clean up. Yeah, right.  I'm getting better at it though.  I'm learning to leave other people's things alone. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for my body and my overall health, in general.  I think I have a perfect body.  I mean, I've never gotten any complaints.  Everyone that I have been with adores my body.  And the best part is that I basically eat whatever I want.  Now, I do workout just about everyday, but nothing too strenuous.  I'm 5' 10" and about 160lbs, with a 32" waist.  I have a six pack, and we're not talking beer.  My ass is nice, round, and firm, I might add.  Look at me going on and on about something so vain.  It's not bad to love on yourself every once in a while, right? 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful Kenny keeps showing up and showing interest in me.  Sometimes I don't realize how lucky I am to have him in my corner.  He surprises me (in a good way) with all of his actions.  He doesn't have to stay in contact with me, yet he does.  I love him so much.  He's truly special in every way.  Damn, I can't lose out on someone so perfect for me. 

what's keith DOING?

You would never guess who showed up at my front door.  Kenny, of course.  He came by to see me.  He called earlier, however I neglected to answer the phone because nothing has changed on my part.  He still thinks I'm not capable of change, yet for some reason he keeps showing up.  I'm beginning to think that he won't give up on me.  Maybe I do have his support after all.

Anyhow, I was extremely shocked to see him.  I had no idea he was even coming over, yet alone even thinking about me.  He claims that he only came by to figure out how I got his mother's address.  I sent both Kenny and his mother holiday cards.  I know more information about him and his family than he thinks I know.  Anyways, that's besides the point.  I know he really came by to see me or better yet fuck me.  I hate to admit it but we had sex.  And it felt so good.  I resisted for a good twenty minutes while he kissed and groped me.  Aah {deep breath}.  His lips felt so good on mine.  Better yet his dick felt so good in me.  I was doing a good job at keeping the cookies in the jar until he gave me an ultimatum.  He said I wouldn't see him again if I didn't give it up.  I didn't believe him, but I gave it up anyway. 

I can still tell he has feelings for me.  He said that he loved and missed me so.  I know he still finds me sexy which is why he couldn't keep his hands off me.  I'm just so disappointed that I still don't have a job.  I'm trying, while not very hard, and putting forth an effort to gain employment.  Although with my credit, no one wants to hire me.  At least, no company willing to offer a livable wage.  I'm just sad because Kenny saw no progress.  I was waiting to get myself together before I came back into his life.  I want to show him that I can do for myself. 

In our exchange of words during foreplay, Kenny called me his main ho.  Either Kenny is still waiting for me or he's full of shit.  I know he's spreading his lovejoys all over town.  I couldn't help but get the feeling that he was just saying what I wanted to hear just to get into my pants.  And I put up a fight.  I really did, but there's no resisting the love of my life.  I ultimately gave in.  I don't know if I regret it.  I'm typing this post with his nut still in my ass and I can still smell his scent on me. Damn, I love him.  And all he asks is that I get a job.  Why is that so hard to do?  I don't know.  I'm tired of letting him down or should I say letting myself down.  When are things going to get better? 

who's keith CRUSHING ON?

Okay, I'll admit it.  I have a crush on this guy.  I believe his name is Randy Alexander.  He's not much of a poet, in my opinion, but he seems like a nice person.  And I give him an applause for having the guts to stand in front of a crowd and express his innermost thoughts.  I remember a few years ago, we were going to hook up.  Hook up as in have sex, but things fell through.  He wanted to hook up in his car, but I'm not that kind of guy.  I prefer to have sex on a bed.  I'm not a fan of having sex in cars, parks, or public places.  I prefer a more intimate setting.

Do you think we'll ever meet, though?  He still has the same Adam4Adam profile with the same picture.  Maybe when I get myself together, I'll send him a message.  Maybe.  I prefer to be chased, so we'll see.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for my beautiful smile.  I think that my smile is one of my strongest features.  People compliment me on it all the time.  I have very white and straight teeth.  Now, I would have to say that my smile doesn't come naturally.  I wore braces for about five years.  I also consistently use Rembrandt's whitening toothpaste in conjunction with a whitening mouth wash.  Yeah, I'm spilling all my secrets.  

what's keith DREAMING ABOUT?

I always wanted to join the United States Air Force, however, I was too scared on account of the war.  During the past year, I have tried to make my dream a reality, but I stopped on account of my HIV status.  To set the record straight, I haven't officially tested positive.  Although, I'm sure I have the virus.  Too bad my dream can never be fulfilled.  I guess I have to dream a new dream. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for my fashion sense as well as my wardrobe.  Now while I haven't bought an article of clothing in about a year, over the years I have acquired a pretty decent wardrobe.  People, especially guys, always check me out to see exactly what I have on.  I kind of like the attention.  Anyways, most of my wardrobe consists of inexpensive clothes from my favorite store, H&M.  I believe that the most important feature on clothing is the cut and the fit.  That is why I always look like a million bucks while only spending a couple bucks. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for my favorite television show, 90210.  Oh, how I love this drama series.  I sometimes wish that I could be Naomi Clarke.  Rich, confident, beautiful.  Two out of three isn't bad, right?  Anyhow, this show is currently airing its third season and hopefully it's around for more seasons to come.  Other shows I currently enjoy are Nikita, Real Housewives of Atlanta, the A-list, Glam God, Fantasia For Real, Football Wives, and The Apprentice.

what's keith USING?

I have been using this product for two years now.  In fact, it's really the only skin care product that remains consistent in my skin care regimen.  I definitely notice a difference when I'm not using this fade cream more so.  But my skin maintains a much even skin tone when I do use this cream daily.  I use the fade cream designed for oily skin.  Yes, I hate my oily, acne-prone skin.  But hey, look on the bright side.  I won't see any wrinkles any time soon. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for the growing relationship that I have with my lord and savior, Jesus Christ.  No matter how many times I fall, he is always there.  He never leaves my side.  Even after I deserted him, over the past couple of years, he stills accepts me with open arms.  Every day I wake, I realize that I don't need love from another man to make me happy.  His undying love is all I need.  My relationship with him is more than enough to make me happy.  And if I never love another man again, I'm okay with that.

what's keith TRIPPING ABOUT?

Today, I got to thinking.  You know.  Since I've known Kenny for a little over a year, I can count the number of compliments he has given me on two hands.  Is that sad?  I think so, given we were together for a little less than a year.  I'm sure I can recall them all.  I never forget anything, especially Kenny's compliments because they were so rare.

1.  One time during sex, he called me a sexy bitch.

2.  While we were leaving the movies one night.  Kenny complimented me on my makeup.  He said that he liked the natural look.

3.  On our way to see Twilight's Blue Moon, he actually said that I looked nice.  I think I look nice every time we go out, yet that was the only time he graced me with a compliment on my attire.

4.  Recently he gave me a compliment on my cleaning skills.  I am a germophobe, so I'm constantly cleaning.  On the other hand, Kenny is very messy and dirty.  That side of Kenny bothered me a lot during the beginning of our relationship, but like anything else, I got used to it.  He used to make fun of me and said that I did a bad job at cleaning the house.  He would say, oh, you missed a spot or you didn't do a good job.  So a month ago, when he said that I could clean worth a darn, I was ecstatic.  That compliment took me by surprise.

5.  And finally, Kenny recently told me that I do a good job at taking dick.  Kenny is well-endowed, so it was a little bit of a challenge taking his dick every night or morning.  But it was a great challenge, if I say so myself.  And I did a good job at it.  Does that even count as a compliment?  I don't know.  I'll include that statement anyway.

I think that's all.  Excuse me, I can count all of his compliments on one hand.  As you can see, Kenny is not great at giving compliments.  He's not that great of a communicator, in general.  I would always try to make Kenny feel appreciated or wanted in the relationship, yet he wouldn't always do the same for me.  I'm not saying that he gets a fail on this topic but he barely passes with a C.  Sometimes, I would have to beg him to give me a kiss before he left for the day.  Hopefully boyfriend #5 does a better job.

what's keith WAKING UP TO?

I woke up today around 10:30am and was just lying in bed when I heard the doorbell ring.  I figured it was my mother’s boyfriend, so I didn’t think anything of it.  That is until the doorbell rang again and my mother made no attempt to go downstairs and check it out.  So, I peaked out of my bedroom window.  I saw a guy with what appeared as a police badge hanging from his neck holding an envelope.  Right then, I knew it had to be a court summons.  Shortly thereafter, the guy drove off in his white Toyota Camry.  He left a note on the front door leaving his telephone number and explaining his failed attempt to issue my court summons.

Tonight, the door bell rings again.  And guess who it was.  Yes, the same guy.  This time my mother answered the door.  She then calls me downstairs and I approach the guy.  He then hands me the court summons and also gave me some useful information and advice.  The guy was nice but I wish my mother didn't answer the door or better yet explained that I didn't live here.

Anyway, Capital One is now suing me over a credit card balance of about $2K.  Why would they even waist their time?  I owe several other credit card companies twice that amount and they are not attempting to sue me.  Well, Discover Card is also trying to sue me.   They tried to issue a summons earlier this year, but I don’t know what’s going on with that.  I’m currently unemployed and have no way of paying them back right now.  Hopefully, they don’t start to garnish my wages once I get a job.  Yeah, my life sucks.  And to top it all of, I’m going to have to start sending in payments on my student loans.  My payments will be about $100 a month.  Hopefully, I can defer them.  

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I’m thankful for such a beautiful day.  The sun is shining and it’s not too cold outside.  I wish all days in autumn were like this. 

what's keith OBSESSING OVER?

I am obsessing over EyesLipsFace's High Definition Powder.

This powder is remarkable.  I already have a back up just in case I run out.  It sets my make up flawlessly and gives a nice air-brushed finish.  Now I haven't tried MakeUpForever's HD powder, however, I've heard that this powder is a great duplicate, so says Kevin-James Bennet.  I just have to make sure that I apply very little as this powder can leave a white cast on my face.  Otherwise, at only six bucks, it's definitely a must-have. On another note, the packaging is devine.  It's highly functional and modern.  I give this product two thumbs up, all the way. 



what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for the many memories I have of Kenny.  We've been through a lot and I wouldn't have traded it for the world.  Because of him I now know how I deserve to be treated in a relationship.  It's sad that we're over but it's okay.  He's a chapter in my book called life and I have turned the page.  I'm on a new chapter and a new journey, but I will forever cherish the relationship we had. 

what's keith WHINING ABOUT?

Aahh!  {Deep Breath}.......

I need my wisdom teeth pulled.  I can hardly even open my mouth to eat.  And the sad thing is I'll just have to deal with it because I can't afford a wisdom tooth extraction.  Isn't that sad?  The life of the poor and homeless.  Does it ever get better?

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for EyesLipsFace and just makeup in general.  I discovered the EyesLipsFace cosmetic brand almost two years ago and have been a fan ever since.  The awesome thing about the brand is the quality of the products considering the price point.  The items in the EyesLipsFace brand range from $1 to $6.  So, it's very affordable.  The line allows me to truly play around in makeup and discover my preferences in my makeup looks.  Now I'm not saying that all of their products are bangin'.  There are several misses.  But for only a few dollars, who can complain.

I recently ordered some items from the cosmetic line and I just received the package in the mail.  Here's the run down on some of their new products....

Pass on this product.  It has a funny odor and you'd probably do yourself better if you sprayed water on your face.  I would definitely not repurchase this item.

This stipple brush does pretty well considering the price.  I think ELF's powder brush does a better job at applying liquid or cream foundation, however this brush is great for applying powdered blush or bronzer.  I will definitely repurchase this item.

I am in love with this tinted moisturizer.  This is my first time trying a tinted moisturizer and I have to say that this product provides more coverage than many of my foundations.  I purchased this moisturizer in espresso. It's a little too dark for my preference, but it has that warm undertone that I long for in my makeup bases.  I will definitely be repurchasing this item for years to come.  It's unbelievable how great this product is considering the price.  ELF keep it up.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for the popular website known as youtube.  I frequent this site several times a day.  Most of my subscriptions consist of makeup gurus.  Thanks to the many makeup gurus that post videos daily, I've gained so much knowledge on makeup products and application.  Now, I can definitely say that I know how to beat my face.  That's for sure.

But, who is the guy in the video?  His name is Abraham Tomo, also known as ATFierce.  Isn't he cute?  I stumbled upon his channel a few days ago and instantly subscribed.  I'm actually debating whether or not I should start my own youtube channel.  I'm a bit apprehensive because I know about the hateration that comes with posting videos.  Maybe I'll start my own channel later.  We'll see.  Trust me, don't hold your breath.

what's keith LISTENING TO?

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what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful that I am a gay African American.  Oh, how I love my race and sexuality.  I think I have the best of both worlds.  Now, some might argue that both traits might not be the best circumstances to have, but I strongly disagree.  I believe that homosexuality is a gift from god.  And I thank god that he loved me enough grace me with a skin tone of color.  Black doesn't crack.  (And we all know that crack is wack.)

what's keith LISTENING TO?

The One You Call by Keke Palmer.  Sometimes I feel like Kenny is just calling me because he has nothing better to do.  Almost like he's obligated to call me.  I don't really feel like he genuinely cares for me.  If I died, I would be one less problem for him.  I think it's best that Kenny and I are no longer together.  I'm sure there's someone better out there for me.  I forget that I am also a prize to be had.  I am worthy of a loving, supportive boyfriend.  Someone who loves me for me.  I know he's out there.  I'll keep hoping and praying. 

For the past year, I've just been so insecure.  I lost everything and so much has happenned in so little time.  But, I'll get it all back.  I'm determined to. 

what's keith LOOKING AT?

I went through my camera today and stumble upon some pictures of Kenny, of course.  I took these pictures back on August 8, 2009.  This was around the beginning of our relationship.  Look at Kenny.  He's so much smaller now.  Well, I don't know.  I haven't seen him in two months.  Here they go...........

LOL.  Look at him.  We were being goofy.  I know where every scar is on his body. 

{Deep Breath}  I miss him so much.  I think about him everyday.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am truly grateful for Blogger.  In many ways this blog is therapy for me.  This is the only place I can come and let out my true feelings. And I love the fact that I get the chance to share my story with the world. (Even though the world doesn't know that I exist).  Well, they will sooner or later.

what's keith USING?

A staple for every bottom is definitely an enema.  I just discovered this item about a month ago.  Its so much easier to clean out my rectum with the use of this item.  I've heard of its wonders yet I've just recently bought one.  I now have back ups and will continue to use this product for those special nights.  Why am I tripping?  It's been over two months since I've had sex.  And I don't see a plumber coming to clean these pipes anytime soon.  However, I do use an enema daily only because I like to have clean bowels.  I love the bloat-free feeling of having no stools in my rectum.  I know, TMI.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for my new cell phone with free minutes.  I received my new cell phone a few days ago from Reach Out Wireless.  Apparently, since I receive food stamps, I am eligible for a free cell phone with up to 200 free minutes each month.  Isn't that fascinating?  Now, this refurbished Motorola V710 is no iPhone, but it will suffice.

what's keith WATCHING?



A valedictorians declaration of love for a classmate launches a raucous, romantic night for a group of graduates.  This movie was excellent.  It's definitely a comedy worth watching.  I'm not a huge fan of comedies.  I prefer mystery/suspense movies, yet, I laughed several times watching this film. 

I Love You, Beth Cooper also brought up a lot of high school memories.  I attended Baltimore Polytechnic Institute, and just like Dennis Cooverman, my high school years sucked.  I had no friends, never attended prom, and I just felt very awkward.  My sexuality was also always under intense scrutiny.  I can relate to Richard in the movie.  Everyone thought I was gay, however, I would constantly deny it.  Well, I've come a long way.  I'm out of the closet now. 

You know what, though?  Throughout high school, I always longed for that one special friend who I could confide in.  A friendship much like Richard and Dennis.  Let's just say that wish was never granted.  I also envied the girls in the movie.  They were extremely carefree and dangerous.  No holds bar.  I was very much a good kid, so to speak.  I never smoked, used drugs, engaged in sexual activity, or was arrested. I guess that's a good thing.  Even though I always envied the bad, popular kids.  

The theme of the movie is carpe diem.  Seize the day.  Time is too short to be wasted.  

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for having a roof over my head.  Freezing temperatures are now a daily occurrence and I wonder where I would be if my mother wasn't here to offer shelter.  Who knows?  I hate to think about it. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for having a little money in the bank.  Not much but I have enough to get by.  I'm also thankful that I have a family that is pretty well off.  Growing up, I never went without.  I have always had a roof over my head, food on the table, and money in my pocket.  I am truly grateful. I love you, mom.

what's keith's PREFERENCE?

It's funny.  I haven't had too many experiences with  uncut dicks.  I can only think of two guys that I've had sex with that were uncircumcised.  And to be honest, I'm not even certain if those guys dicks had foreskin considering I only saw their dicks when they were erect.  But I'm pretty sure, one of those guys were uncircumcised.  Anyhow, they say that uncircumcised penises always smell.  I've never really been around one to speak on it.  I don't find uncut dicks attractive and I don't think I'd ever date someone with an uncut penis.  Well, yes I would.  I'm not too particular on the subject.  Lets just say, I prefer circumcised penises.

what's keith WEARING?

I'm going to give you a sneak peak of one of my favorite makeup products.  It is the Wet n Wild Color Icon Brow and Eye Liner.  I use the dark brown to fill in my eyebrows and it stays put all day.  And, you know what makes this product even better?  It's only a dollar at Target.



what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I am thankful for my potential.  I am truly a "firework" waiting to burst and let my true colors shine.


Firework by Katy Perry

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for URBAN MUSIC DAILY.  I discovered this website earlier this year.  It is my online source for the latest songs and music videos.  And the best part is that it's all free.  I used to buy songs on itunes, but now there's no need.  Thank you Urban Music Daily for keeping me dancing during the recession.  By the way, the government says that the recession is officially over, but we all know that the government lies. 

what's keith THINKING ABOUT?

Today, I am going to think of all the good things Kenny has done for me.  He's been nothing but a supportive, caring, and loving boyfriend.  No matter how mad I get at him, when I look back at all the things he's done for me, I can't help but to smile.  He means so much to me.  Too bad, he doesn't feel the same.  Where do I start?

Early in our relationship, Kenny did some snooping and went through my phone as well as computer.  He had seen a lot of personal information including my diary.  And trust me, the information in my diary was rated R and demeaning to my character.  Did Kenny look at me any different?  No.  He didn't leave me either.  He stood by me.  How perfect is he?

He's paid for countless nights out.  Whether we went to the movies or out to eat, he always flipped the bill.  He just wanted to make me happy.

He's also bought hundreds of dollars worth of clothes for me.  Anything I wanted, he would pay for.  Well, not anything, but you catch my drift.

Kenny has done countless favors for me.  From getting money orders for me to printing resume documents, anything that I asked him to do, he would do it.  He didn't mind?

He's paid my car insurance a couple of times.  Now granted he was using my car more than I was, but it wasn't really his responsibility.  He's even helped me get new plates for my car, flipping the bill for that whole fiasco.

He's intoduced me to several new places.  He's taken me to New York on a couple of occasions, Rehobeth beach, King of Prussia....  the list goes on. 

He kept food in my stomach.  When I didn't have any money to feed myself, he was there.  I can't count the many times I would have gone hungry if it had not been for Kenny. 

Kenny has helped me pay for rent.  He even paid my full rent back in November 2009.  I still owe him for that.

Let's not forget about the countless times he's given me money. 

Damn.  This list is getting long.

He introduced me to his family.  I felt extremely honored that he would intoduce me to the people that mean the most to him.  His family is great, by the way.

I think I've covered all my bases. 

I'll close with this story.  Back when our relationship was young, we used to go out all the time.  Well, one weekend I had explained to Kenny that I was broke.  He didn't care and took me out anyway.  When I got back home, I took the things out of my pockets and put them in my top dresser drawer.  Something I normally do to ensure that I don't misplace anything.  Well, when I opened the drawer there was a surprise waiting for me.  Kenny had placed a hundred dollar bill in my drawer.  I was so touched.  I then told Kenny that I couldn't take it.  However, after much resistance, I accepted the money.  No one had ever done anything for me like that.  I think I'll remember that for the rest of my life. 

what's keith CONFESSING?

Okay.  So I've dedicated several posts detailing the things Kenny has done to me.  However,  I've never really gone into detail about what I've done to him.  I feel like I'm starting to bash him.  Like this blog is the roast of Kenny.  Well, this is my blog and I have a lot that I need to get off my chest.  But there's always two sides to every story.  And I'm just as crazy as he is.  I'm going to try to remember everything.  Let's see....

Back in August of 2009, I lied and told Kenny that I quit prostituting and had deleted my men4rent.com ad online.  He soon, found out and threatened to leave me.  Well, he did leave me, but we worked things out. 

Um...

I've told several little lies throughout our relationship.  I would lie about the simplest things.  I don't think little white lies are that big of a deal. But when you do it as often as I do, I can understand how it can get annoying.  How can he trust me when I lie about stupid stuff? 

I've thrown away hundreds of dollars worth of his clothes and shoes.  I regret doing so because I wouldn't want Kenny to throw away my stuff.  He never did.  No matter how cruel I was to him, he never stooped to my level.  I admire him for that.

Back in April 2010, I poisoned his dogs.  I fed his dogs ibuprofen and onions. The dogs had minor injuries but they are okay.  Kenny actually called the police on me for that incident. 

I never contributed financially.  Basically, Kenny footed the bill for everything that we did.  The funny thing is that when I first met him, I thought he was broke.  So, I was never really with him for his money.  Yet, I always had my hand out.  I could understand how Kenny felt.  I'm sure he felt like he had another son.  Kenny would even pressure me to get a job, yet I didn't.  I didn't think it was worth it to take a job that was paying less than my unemployment compensation. 

I have yet to pay back money that I owe him.  I owe Kenny about $1200 if not more.  He's bought me things and I've promised to pay him back.  I have yet to do so because I have no money.  

Back in June of 2010, I lied about having a job even though I did not.  I don't know what I was thinking when I told him that lie.  I could tell he was tired of seeing me home all the time being unproductive.  I told him that I got a job at Wachovia.  Yeah, I'm full of shit.   

There have been several incidences where I was extremely selfish.  I felt that Kenny owed me the world because I had opened up my home to him.  He decided to live with me and I felt like he had to play by my rules, even though he was paying his portion of the rent.  I even let him use my car daily to get to work, after his car broke down.  Or better yet, during the beginning of our relationship, I would wake up early to take him to work and I would pick him up at night. 

Anything else?...

Oh I've even tried to open up a checking account in his name.  This action was a part of a scheme I'm still working on.  He has no idea.  He does know that I recorded a lot of his personal information and he assumes that I have or will try to steal his identity.  He's right.  I've attempted to steal his identity even though my attempt was unsuccessful.  I have yet to follow through.

I have stolen money from Kenny.  I would sneak and steal cash out of his wallet.  How foul am I?

I've threatened to kill Kenny, his son, and his dogs. That was after he had called the police on me. 

I've called him countless names to his face during heated arguments.  From yuckmouth to bitch, just to name a couple.

I even destroyed his watch and video camera.  He probably has no idea that I've done so.

I've spit a mouthful of blood on him.  (That's another story for another time.)

I scraped his Gucci purse with a box knife.  I left a couple of minor tears.  I'm sure he hasn't even noticed.

And I've even thrown toilet water on him.

I think that's all that I can think of for now.  These are my confessions.  Now that I have acknowledged my wrongdoings, I can try to turn things around and address my issues.  If Kenny and I or any relationship that I'm in is ever going to work, I can't do these things anymore.  I have to change, not just for Kenny but for myself. 

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for a beautiful life. 

"The only thing certain is everything changes.  The lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes, as hard as it gets I know it's still amazing to be alive.  It's a beautiful life."
A Beautiful Life (La Bella Vita) by Lindsay Lohan

who's keith NOT TALKING TO?

Kenny just called literally five minutes ago.  And I declined to answer the phone.  I don't know why I didn't pick up.  I don't even know why he continues to call considering he doesn't really care for me.  Well, at least he won't say it.  I guess actions speak louder than words.  And Kenny is not a great communicator so you have to read his actions to get his true feelings.  Anyhow, I neglected to answer the phone because I don't want to bore him.  Nothing has changed since the last time we spoke and I know he's bored with me.  He says I no longer spark his interest.  Yeah, that hurt.  It was like a dagger in my heart.  I'm sure he's just calling to check in on me.  Nothing more, nothing less.  His mother, Gloria, probably told him to call me.  Yeah, how lame?  The next time he calls though, I'll be sure to answer.  That's if I'm around the house.  And that's if he does call again.  He'll probably call me in another two weeks, give or take a day.  Fingers crossed.

what's keith THANKFUL FOR?

I'm thankful for my gorgeous looks.  Thank god, I am handsome.  I can't go anywhere without getting stares.  People always remember my face.  By the way, how vain am I?  I'm thankful for my vanity also.  I should take pride in myself.