what's keith DOING?

SO MUCH WENT ON TODAY.....

Okay.  So today started extremely early.  Well for me it was pretty early for a Sunday morning.  My mom woke me up at about 6:15am for church.  I'm a member of New Psalmist Baptist Church and we just built a new building.  So, we attended the first church service at our new church home.  The church looks pretty good.  However, it's a little bit of a drive considering the old church was just a five minute drive.  Anyhow, church service was very good.  I took away the fact that sometimes the lord has to take away something or someone, so that I can grow and learn how to do things on my own.  And by doing things on my own, I gain an appreciation for myself.

After church, the drama ensued.  My mom threw a Football party.  It was very much a success.  Everyone had a good time including myself.  My mom and I had a fight earlier but we eventually got over it.  Of course, we argued.  Nothing new.  But today, I realized I might have a little bit of an attitude problem.  We wouldn't have argued if I wasn't giving her an attitude.  However, in my defense, it was early in the morning and I don't like being bothered.  To put the icing on the cake, my mom is very much an affectionate type of person.  She walks around hitting me playfully, either on the head or arm.  She'll ask me how I'm doing constantly.  I know it sounds like I'm complaining for no reason, but it can just be so annoying.  Especially when you'd rather be by yourself.  I don't know.  I might be reaching.  I should be able to take a little bit of her annoying tendencies since I'm living with her rent-free.  I really miss living on my own. 

I neglected to mention that my grandmother is here.  She's visiting from Florida.  She leaves tomorrow. She's been here for a week now.  I really do miss her.  She's almost like a ray of sunshine.  I love her.  I feel a little bad since I haven't spoken to her for over a year, but she looks at me no different.  She still loves me and wants me to do well in life.  I'm starting to realize that I really do have a support system in my family. Thank goodness I have a family who loves me.  We fight and bicker but I'm extremely appreciative.  I never thought I would say that.  It's so true.

Going back to the church sermon....  I felt like the Pastor Thomas was speaking right to me.  I have to accept change in my life.  Yeah, I want Kenny but he doesn't want me.  And I have to let go.  The lord has to take him away for awhile or indefinitely.  Who knows?  And I'm starting to be okay with that.  

I just feel an intense connection with Kenny because he knows me for who I truly am.  No one in my life knows me like he does.  And even while he knows how crazy, mean, and evil I can be, he doesn't look at me any different.  I've never come across anyone like him.  And I don't think I will ever find anyone I can open up to much like I've opened up to Kenny.  There's not really a thing in the world I don't mind talking to him about.  I really do feel like Kenny is my other half.  My soul mate.  I would be the happiest person in the world if I could fall asleep and wake up to him everyday.  The crazy thing is that I had him.  I fucked it up and I lost him.  But I want him back.  I'm so very determined to have him back.  Hopefully, he takes me back.  We'll see.