It's almost 3am, and I can't sleep. So, I thought I would write a little something in my diary. Lying in bed, I got to thinking. And I came up with the conclusion that it is not my duty to punish Kenny for the wrong that he has done to me. Karma knows every one's address and it is the job of the almighty greater power to punish those that wrong me, just as much as I am punished for the wrong that I do to other people. Sometimes, when I think about Kenny, I get so upset. However, tonight I realized that I came out of this relationship on top. I mean I probably have HIV and I don't have a penny to my name, but I'm still young, handsome, intelligent, sexy and an overall great person to be around. Too bad I can't say the same for Kenny. He's highly unintelligent, old, ugly, overweight, washed-up, used and abused. He's damaged goods. Come on. More than half of the gays in the DMV area can say that they have had him. I'm sure he's a growing infestation of STD's. I check his email accounts periodically, and trust me the guys he's talking to have nothing on me. Plus, to add the cherry on top, he's 33 still in community college working a minimum wage job. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tend to forget how quickly Kenny latched on to me. He knew he had something special, so he came on pretty strong. He quickly introduced me to his family and we even had talks of marriage. I was the best looking guy he has ever had or should I say ever will have. His ex-boyfriend and his best friend, Mathew, is just as ugly as he is. And on a side note, I have a strong feeling that Kenny and Mathew were having sexual encounters while Kenny and I were in a relationship. It's okay though. I'm pretty sure the sex wasn't that good. Anyhow, I'm the true winner.
Now, I don't want to come off unappreciative for the things Kenny has done for me. He has done a lot for me and I still think he is a remarkable guy, otherwise I wouldn't have wasted my time with him. But, I can't waist anymore time trying to seek revenge on the fallen. He'll have to pay his dues if he's not already paying for them as we speak. One day, he'll have to look god in the face and explain his evil doings just as I will. And trust me, my rap sheet is nowhere as long or as tragic as Kenny's. Let's just say, he'll be lucky if he gets to see those pearly gates before he plunges into the pits of hell.
He'll pay for what he has done, much like I'll pay for what I have done. So, Keith, stop worrying your precious head on his mistakes. It's just hard because I don't think there is anything worse than knowingly infecting persons with HIV. But, I have to get over it. I can't play the victim and let him win. I have to take my power back. And you've seen the pictures. Kenny is definitely not the person I should even waist time thinking about. Forgiveness will come someday, but like Mary J. Blige says, not today.
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