Every relationship requires compromise. But I ask, is it worth it if you know that you'll regret your compromises in the long run. When I committed to a relationship with Kenny, I felt like I compromised my space, my money, and my health. Now, I'm out on all three. If I could go back, I would have taken things slowly. I mean, I sort of got caught up in it all and it's true when they say that love is blind.
In the beginning Kenny came over my place pretty often and I allowed him to. Because we spent so much time together and since I didn't want Kenny to know about my side job as a prostitute, I couldn't build my clientele. So, my bank account suffered. I sort of didn't have the guts to tell him that he was smothering me. He then shortly moved himself and his dogs in my space without really discussing it with me first. In fact, during the months of August and September of 2009, Kenny practically lived with me for free. He didn't start helping with the rent until October. And his dogs are another story and were a huge compromise on my part.
My health was another huge compromise. He deceived me. We discussed sexually transmitted diseases on several occasions and he failed to mention his HIV status. Early in our relationship, he even suggested that we should get tested for HIV, as if he were negative. It wasn't until several months later that I found out about his HIV status. And you already know how I found out.
Now I'm not saying that Kenny didn't have to compromise on his part but ultimately he chose to move in with me. Not the other way around. To be blunt, I regret letting Kenny move in with me. You see, Kenny is always at either two places on his time off. That is either his mother, Gloria's apartment or over his jumpoff's boyfriend's place. He has an apartment with his sister and he doesn't like spending time over there. If you saw that dump you call an apartment, I wouldn't blame him. I honestly have never seen a place so dirty and smelly. His apartment always reeked of cat urine. And to be nice, I'll put it this way. I couldn't identify half of the dirt and filth that was on floors. (And don't get me started on their dirty ass bathroom. When I spent time there, I didn't know whether to urinate in the toilet or the sink. So y'all know I pee'd in the tub. LOL. I'm just kidding, but you catch my drift.) On several occassions I thought about calling Child Protective Services for his sister's three children.
I say all of this to ultimately conclude that there are certain things that I will no longer compromise in a relationship. Living and being with Kenny was a learning experience. I will no longer compromise my space, money, or health for anyone. In fact, I realize that I prefer and need to have my own space. I don't know how I got suckered into allowing Kenny to stay with me. I blame it on love. I truly loved Kenny. Look, I said loved. I think I'm falling out of love for him. I'm sure some of you guys are wondering why I even fell in love with him in the first place. Anyway, time by yourself really gives you a chance to sort out your true feelings. So, in my next relationship, I'll be sure to take it slow and not do so much compromising. If he doesn't fit, he doesn't fit. And there's no hope in tailoring the relationship. Leave it on the rack and keep it moving.
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